Boundaries are not…

• ultimatums, demands or threats.
• a punishment. 
• a solution for fear.
• a tool for revenge.
• demands.
• a tool for manipulation. 
• about changing someone.
• about controlling someone.
• guilt-tripping.
• authoritative.
• given to manage uncertainty related to someone else’s behavior. 
• given to take someone’s freedom to choose. 
• a way to avoid addressing underlying issues or conflicts in relationships. 
• about setting unrealistic expectations.
• inconsistent. 
• about expecting immediate change.
• meant to shame anyone.
• putting someone else’s needs and wants before your own. 
• giving up peace.
• given for immediate change.

Boundaries are…

• about protecting physical health. 
• about protecting emotional health.
• about providing a safe space to work on the relationship.
• respecting someone’s free will.
• about setting limits that define what is acceptable and unacceptable for you.
• about letting someone else determine if they will follow your boundary. 
• accepting the consequences when the other person does not follow my boundary.
• created to be simple and manageable.
• realistic.
• responsible. 
• adaptable and always open for re-evaluations.
• for respectful interactions and ultimately a healthier relationship. 
• self care.
• self respect.
• self compassionate.
• transformational when done right. 
• having confidence.
• consistent and clear.
• a tool to create stability.
• loving.
• relevant to the situation.
• only as effective as your commitment to enforcing it.
• communicated clearly and simply to the other.
• Having, giving and upholding boundaries is loving to yourself and the ones you care for. Having effective boundary conversations can take some training and coaching. Although we are not therapists, we can help direct appropriately in this manner, or refer a therapist. Contact a therapeutic educational consultant here. 
  
  
  
  

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