As a parent, it’s terrifying to discover that your child has been using self-harm to cope with stress and anxiety. You are probably feeling overwhelmed, scared and confused. How did this happen and what can you do to help your child to stop the self-harming?
WHY is my child using self-harm to cope?
Self-harm is a way to manage overwhelming emotions. It is a release, a way to feel something other than the crushing weight of anxiety and stress. Self-harm is a symptom of something much deeper.
Self-harm can be a coping mechanism for all ages, however is often seen in the behavior of teens who feel like they have no other way to deal with the painful feelings of which they cannot articulate. In a study of over 5,000 self-harm incidents based in the United Kingdom, by Townsend, et al., the most cited reason for self-harm was social/interpersonal problems.
In another study published by The Journal of Affective Disorders, it was found that females were twice as likely to self-harm as males, at the rate of 2.6 to 1.
This habit is not about seeking attention. It’s about trying to gain control in a world that feels chaotic and unmanageable. Your child isn’t doing this to hurt you or anyone else. She is doing it because in those moments, it seems like the only option she has. She wants to do anything to take away her emotional pain.
Some unconscious motives for self-harming are:
- Wanting a distraction from the strong emotions they are feeling.
- A way of communicating how they are feeling, without knowing a better way.
- To punish themselves for something they think they have done wrong.
- A way to feel in control.
- A distraction from the strong feelings.
- To get a relief from the strong feelings.
The science behind self-harm.
One of the oldest studies on this topic is from a Harvard University researcher Joseph Franklin, PhD, in the Laboratory of Suicide. He found that there is a technique called Pain-Offset Relief Conditioning. With a pain stimulus over time, people would react more favorably to the pain because they had learned to associate it with pain relief. For example, when researchers shocked rats and then presented them with a pleasant odor, over time the rats began seeking out the smell.
Testing this with other types of shocks and physiological measures, Franklin continued to find Pain-Offset Relief effects in all of his self-injure participants. He explains that people who self-injure may unwittingly be tapping into this brain mechanism that produces a relief and sometimes even a euphoria. The first time someone hurts themself they experience an unpleasant pain, however when done continually, they can experience a pain relief. Then they begin to associate the self-injury with relief, so they return for more.
The self-harm could originate by wanting some control, or the physical pain feels better than the emotional pain. Then in time, the physical pain being a release, gives them a respite.
Ways of self-harming.
- Cutting
- Burning
- Hitting
- Scratching
- Rubbing
- Head banging or hitting head with a hard object
- Swallowing something that shouldn’t be swallowed
- Scalding with hot water
- Pulling hair out
…to the point of feeling physical pain.
Treatment for self-harming
Psychotherapy, and often in an intense manner, would be the treatment. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) and mindfulness-based therapies are a good start.
There is no specific medication for self-harming, although treating the underlying issues of anxiety, depression, Borderline Personality Disorder or obsessive thinking is often recommended. Support groups for this in particular, are beneficial because self-harming is an isolating experience.
If you or a loved one need help with treatment for self-harming, schedule a no-cost discovery call with Rae Guyer, your therapeutic consultant to discuss options.
© Therapeutic Educational Consulting
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