Top 13 Books For Parents With Young Adult Children

As parents with young adult children know, raising a child into an independent young adult is a challenging process. It does not come easily; nor does it occur by happenstance. The process takes years of purposeful parenting. However, sometimes even the best intentioned parents find themselves “parenting” an adult longer than ideal.

Parents of young people often ask “Why can’t my adult child manage on their own?” The answer to this question is varied, yet today’s young people struggle more than prior generations.

In hopes to help, below are the top 13 books for parents of young adult children:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a classic on the concept of boundaries in relationships. It teaches what healthy boundaries are, as well as what it looks like to overstep and enable. This book is good for all adult relationships: parent/child, partners, adult siblings, co-workers, and friends. The authors assist in helping us learn how and when to say “no”, as well as teach how standing up for ourselves grows respect from others as well as our own self-esteem.
Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents by Allison Bottke is also about boundaries, but this book focuses specifically on young adult children. The book discusses the need for parents not to overstep into the lives of young adults as well as how to keep their own parental lives separate. The book contains many real life examples of families managing well, as well as those with significant struggles. Most importantly, it teaches that it’s never too late to make adjustments and changes for the better of the relationship between parents and their young adult children.
When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives by Jane Adams takes an in-depth view about the long-term effects of fractured parent and adult-child relationships. The author recognizes the grief that parents feel with the loss of a relationship with an adult child. The book talks about adult children of any age, not just young adults; and even discusses the added complication of grandchildren. The book examines both healthy and unhealthy boundaries as well as how to implement relational changes, wherever a parent might find themselves along the way. A comforting read for parents that have been struggling for years.
Walking on Eggshells: Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents by Jane Isay is a fabulous book about how well-intentioned parents can find themselves manipulated by, and at the mercy of, their adult children. The book shares examples of difficult situations that some parents are unable to free themselves. The book discusses the challenge of loving young adult children, yet not liking their behavior. A must read for any parent feeling their life with their young adult child is very difficult.
Now That They Are Grown: Successfully Parenting Your Adult Children by Ronald J. Greer teaches parents about the change in roles from parenting teens to parenting young adults. The author discusses how parents can learn to love and nurture their children while encouraging independence. The author discusses how parents can support without enabling.
How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Successby Julie Lythcott-Haims discusses the fact that the goal of parents isn’t in-fact raising children, but rather, raising adults. The author teaches the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes in order to teach problem solving and resilience. By encouraging children to grow their own capacity, and giving them freedom to fail, children learn that they are able to take charge of their own lives. A must read for a parent of a teen or young adult.
Failure to Launch: Why Your Twenty something Hasn’t Grown Up and What to Do About It by Mark McConville, Ph.D. focuses directly on the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Helps parents understand why a young adult may be “stuck,” and gives actionable steps for building purpose, responsibility and interdependence.
The Parent’s Launch Code: Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children by Jack Stolzfus offers a mindset / relational approach: Loving but letting go. It focuses on the emotional side of launching — how to maintain relationships, build trust, have boundaries, etc.
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay. While this is more directed at a young adult themselves, it’s useful for parents too. It helps to understand what your son/daughter might be thinking or needing in their 20s, and prompts useful conversations.
You’re Not Done Yet: Parenting Young Adults in an Age of Uncertaintyby B. Janet Hibbs & Anthony Rostain Focuses on the economic, social, and emotional challenges of launching in today’s world. Deals with uncertainty (job market, housing, debt, etc.) and gives guidance for parents in helping young adults toward independence.
Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the Twenties by Jeffrey Arnett is a more academic/scientific look at what this developmental stage really is now—how it’s different, what pressures exist, how culture and economy shape it. Helpful for parents to understand what “normal” can look like in these times.
Your New Life with Adult Children: A Practical Guide to What Helps, What Hurts, and What Heals by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell Helps parents and adult children with redefined roles: what kind of help is useful or unhelpful, how to heal from misunderstandings, how to foster mutual respect.
A Parent’s Guide to Living with Adult Children: Practical Strategies to Master Boundaries and Communication to Avoid Conflict and Build Connectionby Catherine Jennings Very recently published. Very practical: communication tools, setting boundaries, managing finances/household, mental wellness, etc. Designed for parents in exactly the stage where adult children may still be living at home or moving in/out.

At Therapeutic Educational Consulting, we guide, support and recommend placement options for treatment centers, nature-based therapy, therapeutic boarding schools, struggling-to-launch programs and alternative education for adolescents and young adults.

Schedule a no-cost discovery call with Rae Guyer, your therapeutic consultant to discuss options.

Photo credit, Deagreez